malachi's birth story

this post has been a long time coming and i don't really know why i haven't sat down before now and written it out, but this month marks my little guys NINTH month of life! he has now been outside of the womb as long as he was in the womb, crazy! so it's gotten me thinking about my pregnancy and his birth. so i wanted to document it so that i never forget it. and so that it's written out for malachi to one day read and know how he came into the world. my memory is awful and i have learned over the years that if i want to remember anything with any kind of detail i MUST write it down. so this is my attempt to remember :)
disclaimer - this is a documentation of a birth and while i will not be crude or explicit, it is what it is. so be warned.

on the morning of wednesday, june 8th, 2011 i had my 39 week visit with my doctor (i was actually 38 weeks, 5 days but they had always just "called" me the week i was turning that week since i always had my appointments on wednesdays). i had just started my maternity leave from work that monday. i decided to started my maternity leave 2 weeks before my due date to have some time to get things done before the baby came. so jeff and i went to the doctor together. everything went well, dr. walsh checked me and said i was 3cm dilated and about 50% effaced (which i had been for 3 weeks) and everything was looking great. she asked me if i was feeling any contractions, i said "not that i know of" (i mean really, what do i know with my first baby anyway? ha!) and she asked how i was feeling and i said great! we talked a bit about our birth plan and our plans for an unmedicated labor and delivery. we asked her what we could be doing to get things going if i still had not progressed by the following week, since i did not want to be induced. and we asked her how long she would let me go on my own so that i would not have to be induced. so we chatted for a few minutes and she said i was doing great and that things looked wonderful. then she said that at this point in the pregnancy she liked to do a routine ultrasound just to check on the baby, make sure everything was looking good and to just check a few things out. she asked if we could stay a little bit longer to do that, but if we didn't want to do the ultrasound we didn't have to. she said it was our choice. we said sure. i was off work and jeff wasn't working that day either. so we had the time and we figured it would be fun to see the baby again, since we hadn't see him/her since march. so we stayed and had the ultrasound done.

we chatted with the ultrasound tech while we watched the baby on the screen and asked her what she was looking for. she said she was checking for the amniotic fluid levels, the baby's size, confirming the age of the baby, checking movement and activity of the baby, etc. at this point, i was mainly concerned about the baby's size. so i asked her what she thought the baby was weighing and measuring at this point. she estimated about 7.5 pounds and she said she couldn't really estimate a length. then after the ultrasound we waited for a few more minutes to talk with my doctor about the ultrasound.

dr. walsh came in with the ultrasound pics and said we had a change of plans. then she proceeded to tell us that the amniotic fluid levels for the baby were low, very low, dangerously low and she could not let me go on pregnant any longer. she said that the baby seemed to be doing great in spite of the low fluid levels. one of the things they checked was movement and activity of the baby and she said that the baby seemed to be handling the low fluids fine, did not seem to be in any distress, etc. but that she could not let me continue on and go into labor on my own. she said it was too risky and went into this list of risks associated with low fluid levels. the point was, the baby had to come in the next day or two and i was going to have to be induced. at this point in my head i started to freak out. i somehow managed to keep my composure outwardly but inside i was crushed. i did not want to be induced. i had been preparing for months to have an unmedicated labor and delivery. jeff and i had taken a lamaze class, i had been reading about all of the advantages of laboring naturally, and we had been practicing relaxation techniques. i knew that being induced was the first step down a slippery slope that could potentially end in a c-section for me. and i did not want a c-section! i had planned to go into labor on my own, labor at home for a while and then come to the hospital at the end. i was not prepared for what my doctor was telling me! the next several minutes are sort of a blur. i remember her telling us that it didn't seem to be a huge emergency since the baby looked to be doing so well but that we needed to go ahead and schedule the induction either the next day or friday. she assured us that if it was a true emergency she would have no problem sending us the hospital right that second and having a c-section. so it was ok to wait till the next day. she told us that she had something the next day and so she probably wouldn't be there but on friday she would. so if we wanted to wait till friday we would have to come back to the office the next day and have another ultrasound to check the baby. she said that she was sorry, she knew what i wanted and that i wanted to go into labor on my own and she wished we didn't have to do this. but she said that for the safety of the baby she just couldn't let me do that. she said that obviously my body was saying that it was time to have the baby since i had not lost a huge amount of fluid, the placenta must have just stopped producing it. my head was spinning. then jeff did the best thing possible - he asked her to leave for a minute so we could talk privately. she said to take as much time as we needed and she would come back when we had made a decision.

as soon as she left i lost it. i started to cry and say that this wasn't what i wanted. i said that i didn't want to be induced and that we had prepared for so long for something different. i said i was scared about what she was saying. it was not what i was expecting to hear at this visit at all. but jeff and i talked for a few minutes and we prayed and then decided that we both really wanted Dr. Walsh there. so we decided to go forward for friday. when she came back in we told her what we had decided and she said that was great. we made an appointment for the following day for another ultrasound and pre-registered to come to hospital on friday morning.

we left and on the way home started calling our parents to tell them that the baby was coming friday. as we talked to them we were strongly encouraged to go to the hospital right then to be hooked up to a fetal monitor for a few hours to get a better reading on how the baby was doing over a period of time. i didn't really think it was necessary since my doctor did not seem that urgent. i felt like we should just trust her and do what we had discussed at the office. we got home and were talking about it more and jeff said that he would really feel more comfortable if we did go to the hospital and monitor the baby for a while. i was still reluctant but i told him i would call my doctor back and ask if we could do that. i left a message at the office for her to call me back. in the meantime, jeff said i should probably get my bags together because he thought we should be prepared to stay and come home with the baby. again, i was freaking out. i had only had 2 days of my maternity leave. i still had a whole list of things i wanted to get done before the baby came. i had my bags mostly packed but not completely. we didn't even have the carseat in the car. etc. etc. i was not ready for the baby yet! so i got my bags ready but in the back of my mind i still thought we would go to the hospital, get hooked up to a monitor for a few hours, they would see that the baby was fine and then we would come home and go back for the scheduled induction on friday. but i told jeff we HAD to get the carseat in the car. so we did that. i got my bags together and tried to clean up the apartment a little bit so that i wouldn't come home to a mess. and then we left. i still hadn't heard back from my doctor but jeff just said let's go. on the way to the hospital jeff kept saying to me "courtney, we're probably not coming home without the baby. you need to be ok with that." but i wasn't! i was still scared and not ready to admit that the baby was coming! but on the way to the hospital i finally got a call back from Dr. Walsh. she said we were totally fine to go ahead and be monitored for a while, whatever would make us feel more comfortable. but if we were going up to the hospital anyway, we may as well go ahead and start the induction that night. she would call ahead to labor and delivery and tell them we were on our way. oh my! it was happening whether i was ready or not! i needed to get ok with it!

we got to the hospital about 6:30pm on wednesday night. they admitted me and started me on pitocin. even in the midst of all of it, i still wanted to try for a natural labor. i knew it would be different and probably harder, but i still wanted to try. so i asked for a nurse who loved working with unmedicated labors. they got my iv started and hooked up to a fetal monitor. and then i waited. i had heard that pitocin made things go quick and strong. so i was bracing myself for that. after church time tommy and kelly and the boys came up for a visit. they told us that everyone at church was praying for us and was excited that the baby was coming. we had a nice visit, they brought jeff some dinner, and then they left. we settled in for the night. jeff got a good nights sleep and i slept off and on. my poor nurse had to keep coming in and adjusting the monitor on my belly. it kept losing the baby's heartbeat and she would have to come in an move it. i honestly think that awful monitor was the worst part of the entire process, believe it or not! we got through the whole night with no progress. my nurse kept increasing the pitocin and still nothing was happening. the next morning around 7am i got a new nurse. i made sure she loved working with unmedicated labors and she said she had had all 3 of her kids naturally after being induced with pitocin and she thought what i wanted to do was great. that was so encouraging to me - it could be done! my nurse said that the doctor on call from my practice was making rounds this morning and would be here to talk to me soon. it was Dr. Nett, who i had never met, but it was fine. she had to talk to us and discuss what to do at this point since the pitocin was doing nothing and they had given me the maximum amount that they could.

around 11am thursday morning, Dr. Nett came in to talk to me. she was so sweet and encouraging. she said that she loves that i want to go naturally and if she had it her way we would have never had to be induced at all. but at this point since the pitocin was not doing anything she asked us if we would consider letting her break my water. she said usually that will get things going. i was scared to do that though because i knew that put us on a time schedule. if they broke my water i pretty much had 12 hours to get the baby out or i would have to have a c-section. she understood my concern and agreed that it did complicate things. but at this point she felt like i wasn't going to progress without doing something. we asked her if we could just wait a few more hours to see if anything would happen with the pitocin. she said that we could but that she couldn't give me any more pitocin. she said that the baby was doing so well that she would sit on her hands if we wanted to but that she really didn't think anything was going to happen at this point. so we asked her if we could talk it over privately. she said of course and left us alone. jeff and i talked over the options and decided the best thing at this point would be for her to break my water. we knew it presented a risk but nothing else seemed to be working. so Dr. Nett came back about noon and broke my water.

before that, i really had been feeling nothing. i had been preparing myself all night for the contractions to just "hit me" but they never did. the monitor was showing that i was having contractions but they were so small that they weren't doing anything to progress labor. within 30 minutes of breaking my water the contractions started to "hit me." they were coming and they were noticeable for sure! it was time to work, everything we had prepared for was happening. so jeff and my nurse got me up out of bed and they let me move around the monitor. since i was hooked up i couldn't go far but i could move around the side of the bed and i could unhook myself long enough to go to the bathroom, so that was better than nothing. things progressed and they progressed quick. within an hour i went from 3cm dilated to 4cm dilated and then within another hour to 5cm. it was painful but jeff was by my side the entire time. he was so encouraging and would keep my trying new relaxation techniques to help with the pain. my nurse was so incredibly helpful as well. she would keep encouraging me and telling me how great i was doing and that it wasn't going to be long at the rate i was progressing. there were moments when i didn't think i could do it anymore and i would ask for an epidural but jeff was so encouraging. he would tell me to get through the contraction and then if i still wanted one we could talk. he knew what was happening, we had talked about it in lamaze class. i was panicking and when i wasn't in the middle of a contraction i wouldn't want one anymore. so i just had to get through the contraction. he also would have my nurse keep checking me when i would get discouraged and think i couldn't go on. when she checked me i would have always progressed and so then i was hopeful that i could keep going. that was so helpful to me! my poor nurse must have checked me every hour or more for a while there, but it was so helpful and encouraging to me.

things progressed steadily for a few hours, gradually getting harder and harder. but then things seemed to pick up. i felt like my contractions were one on top of the other for a solid 10-15 mins. i thought that surely this must be transition! so i asked my nurse to check me but i was still at 7cm. that was discouraging... i thought surely it was almost over. but thats when i really started wanting an epidural but i knew it was too late. i knew i couldn't get one in time at this point. which i was ok with in some strange way. i knew it was almost over and i could hang on. my nurse said she was going to call the doctor and tell them i was almost there and to start making their way to the hospital (at this point i didn't think Dr. Walsh would be there because she had told us the day before that she was not available after 5pm. so i got up to go to the bathroom and while i was going i started feeling like i HAD to push! i told jeff, "i have to push!" and his eyes got big. i said, "go get my nurse right now!" she came back really quickly (mind you, like 5-10 mins since she had just checked me) and i was still sitting on the toilet and i said "i have to push!" and she said "well, not on the toilet!" so they got me back to the bed and she checked me and i was at 9cm!!!! hallelujah it was time to push! but then i started to worry that the doctor was not going to get there in time. i asked my nurse if the doctor was going to get there and she said Dr. Walsh was on her way - it was about 5:30pm at this point. i was shocked and relieved all at the same time. it would be wonderful to have a familiar face at this point. so my nurse and jeff were on each side of me at this point. my nurse told me to follow my body and to push when i felt like i had to push to help get me the rest of the way to 10cm, just no big pushes. so i did and it brought a strange relief every time.

then Dr. Walsh walked in and it was time to push for real. i was at 10cm and they were already getting everything ready in my room for the delivery. a bunch of nurses were coming in and out, they were getting the baby station ready, it was time! Dr. Walsh was so encouraging, she kept giving me instructions to push and push hard. jeff was next to my head encouraging me and cheering me on in my ear. it was hard and it hurt a lot and at one point i remember saying to Dr. Walsh when the baby was crowning "can't you just reach in and pull it out?!?!" and she said "yes, i could but i don't want to. i want you to push the baby out" so i did and jeff was there to pull it out and bring it up to my chest. and then Dr. Walsh asked jeff, "ok, dad, what do we have?" and he announced "BOY!" it was so exciting for everyone there - they all knew we did not know the gender and there was so much anticipation in the air - it was great! they brought him to my chest as they wiped him off and i held him for a moment while jeff cut the cord. but then i felt more contractions coming and i couldn't hold him anymore. so they took him to get him taken care of at the baby station and i delivered the placenta. then Dr. Walsh had to deal with some bleeding that was too heavy for her liking and stitch me up,while i watched jeff enjoying and holding our new son :)

malachi aaron was born at 6:40 pm thursday, June 9th 2011, about 6 hours after labor really got going. weighing 7 pounds 9oz., 19.5 inches long. we had visitors that night after we were taken from labor and delivery to the mother and baby unit - tommy, kelly and the boys and pastor ben, natalie and their kids. quite a crew in a small hospital room! but it was so fun! :) and they brought us dinner - my first food in a day and a half! yum! :) we rested and worked on breastfeeding for the next few days.the breastfeeding was a little slow going at first but we finally got the hang of it before being discharged. we stayed in the hospital from thursday night until saturday around noon and then we went home - a new family of three!

the Lord was so gracious and worked things out for the safety of malachi and for our good. it was not exactly how i envisioned our labor and delivery to go but it was the way that He ordained it. i am so thankful for a healthy and safe delivery and a perfect little boy. and i am so thankful for the Lord's grace to do it without more medication than was necessary. He is good and we are thankful!

right after jeff pulled him out and up to my chest

a healthy baby boy and a proud daddy

new family of three