Waiting puts me in quite the reflective mood. For many months I have had lots to distract me and fill my thoughts - Jeff's last semester of seminary, graduation, family visiting, a "Babymoon," Christmas, more family visiting, etc. etc. But now all of that has passed and I just wait. I wait for this baby to make it's way into the world. I can finally think about labor and delivery and life with a newborn - things that I am not all that far removed from but still seem so long ago in so many ways.
I can't help but remember how NOT ready I felt when I was nearing the end of my pregnancy with Malachi. Maybe it's the way many people feel with their first - where fear and anxiety and uncertainty outweigh (or feel like they outweigh) the excitement. Maybe I'm alone in these feelings, I don't know. Don't get me wrong, I was excited but I was also very scared! I had NO idea what to expect and so when it finally came time to deliver I was terrified. So much so that Jeff had to look me square in the face on the afternoon we went to the hospital to induce and say "Courtney, we are not coming home without a baby." Wow - talk about denial! ha!
But this time around it's different. Maybe because I feel like I know what to expect, maybe because I am uncomfortable, maybe because I am now further in my pregnancy than I ever got with Malachi. I don't know what the specific reasons are but I feel ready to have this baby. And in a lot of ways I am so thankful that I feel so ready.
There is still a lot of uncertainty this time around too. Like what will the buildup of labor feel like this time when I don't have to be induced? What will it be like to have TWO kids? How will we manage with a newborn and a non-stop 19 month old? Will Malachi be sweet and gentle to his little brother or sister? All things I think about and all real concerns. But overall I feel excitement and joy to be blessed with another child - now I'm just ready to meet him or her!
38 weeks, 6 days
This is the day in my pregnancy with Malachi that he was born - feels weird to be past that now!
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